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I’m just going to come right out and say it. I don’t like Gwyneth Paltrow.
I don’t know her – of course I don’t, if I did you’d have known about it, trust me – so before you point it out, I know my attitude is completely childish and unfair. Yet, she irritates the organic soya milk out of me. If she were a drink she’d be tap water, diluted with more tap water. If she were a song, she’d be an unfamiliar number by Michael Learns to Rock.
She is the tofu of the protein world, she’s beige on the colour wheel, she’s… well, you get the picture.
I mean this woman wrote a cookbook and one of the recipes in it is for oven roasted tomatoes. Who needs a recipe to roast a tomato?
Heat oven. Drizzle olive oil, and sprinkle salt and pepper over tomatoes. Roast.
I mean, really?
To make matters worse, you can’t go anywhere on the internet without stumbling across one of her nauseating quotes about how fantastic she is. Have a look:
"Every woman can make time - every woman - and you can do it with your baby in the room. There have been countless times where I've worked out with my kids crawling around all over the place. You just make it work, and if it's important to you, it'll be important to them."
"I'm really f**king good at my job, and people who are interesting and good know that. That's all that matters."
"I would rather die than let my kid eat Cup-A-Soup."
“My friend tells me I have the butt of a 22 year-old stripper.”
It’s like she’s trying to annoy people.
I know one of the reasons why she annoys me so much is because I’m actually a bit jealous of her. A part of me also wants to train for 3 hours a day and eat only organic, macrobiotic foods and smoke just one cigarette per week.
It’s just that the bigger part of me would rather watch 3 episodes of Game of Thrones while eating simple carbs.
I would like to think that’s what makes me human, but perhaps that’s just what makes me less successful.
Which means, I guess, that Gwyneth has earned the right to brag. She has two kids, a husband, a career, that whole Goop thing and she keeps it all together while working very hard at looking super-humanly fantastic.
She does not lack the courage of her convictions and I suppose that gives her a right to bassoon it out for the world to hear. She practices what she preaches and she truly believes she’s teaching people to live better.
Maybe she is.
But a recipe for roasted tomatoes? That’s where I draw the line.
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Who's your least favourite celeb? Tell us in the box below.
I don’t know her – of course I don’t, if I did you’d have known about it, trust me – so before you point it out, I know my attitude is completely childish and unfair. Yet, she irritates the organic soya milk out of me. If she were a drink she’d be tap water, diluted with more tap water. If she were a song, she’d be an unfamiliar number by Michael Learns to Rock.
She is the tofu of the protein world, she’s beige on the colour wheel, she’s… well, you get the picture.
I mean this woman wrote a cookbook and one of the recipes in it is for oven roasted tomatoes. Who needs a recipe to roast a tomato?
Heat oven. Drizzle olive oil, and sprinkle salt and pepper over tomatoes. Roast.
I mean, really?
To make matters worse, you can’t go anywhere on the internet without stumbling across one of her nauseating quotes about how fantastic she is. Have a look:
"Every woman can make time - every woman - and you can do it with your baby in the room. There have been countless times where I've worked out with my kids crawling around all over the place. You just make it work, and if it's important to you, it'll be important to them."
"I'm really f**king good at my job, and people who are interesting and good know that. That's all that matters."
"I would rather die than let my kid eat Cup-A-Soup."
“My friend tells me I have the butt of a 22 year-old stripper.”
It’s like she’s trying to annoy people.
I know one of the reasons why she annoys me so much is because I’m actually a bit jealous of her. A part of me also wants to train for 3 hours a day and eat only organic, macrobiotic foods and smoke just one cigarette per week.
It’s just that the bigger part of me would rather watch 3 episodes of Game of Thrones while eating simple carbs.
I would like to think that’s what makes me human, but perhaps that’s just what makes me less successful.
Which means, I guess, that Gwyneth has earned the right to brag. She has two kids, a husband, a career, that whole Goop thing and she keeps it all together while working very hard at looking super-humanly fantastic.
She does not lack the courage of her convictions and I suppose that gives her a right to bassoon it out for the world to hear. She practices what she preaches and she truly believes she’s teaching people to live better.
Maybe she is.
But a recipe for roasted tomatoes? That’s where I draw the line.
Follow Women24 on Twitter and like us on Facebook.
Who's your least favourite celeb? Tell us in the box below.
